Posted in Life, Me and moi, Stories

Intermission.

To whomsoever it may concern,
A soul to crush, a heart to burn,
Would sooner take me to heaven
Than into your school.

I’m one among a thousand others,
Wrestling with our binds and tethers
Racing against one another
For a spot in the pool.

So my writing has to go.
And my blogging has to slow.
The fires of my mind that glow
Have to dim and cool.

But I’ll be back once again.
To write, hope, dream and gain
Some experience and then remain
A blogger and a fool.

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Posted in Life, Me and moi, Stories

I’m Sorry I Was Late, The Traffic…

Why I Took So Long To Get Ready (ie Answers You Will Never Get From Your Girl Friends)

My wardrobe is open and filled with stuff.
Buttons and sequins and leather and fluff.
And yet I can’t choose an outfit just right
That I can put on for the party tonight.

Not this! Won’t withstand the wind or the rain
That I have to face ‘ere the party begins.
Not this! Can’t wear that on the public train
Judgemental glances will come pouring in.

What of the gown I bought a month ago?
I’ll look like a Siamese at a dog show.
What about jeans with a nice dressy top?
Too casual, I don’t want to look like a flop.

Maybe this dress? No that’s too tight.
I’ve kept it for when I’ll be a bit light.
Maybe this jumpsuit is what I should choose.
Ooh nice! But I don’t have the right shoes.

This one fits me like you won’t believe
The problem is the hole in the sleeve.
This one was my love and my go-to
Until the colour faded into a light blue.

I should just call and make an excuse
Make up an emergency, or just refuse.
I can’t be overdressed, definitely not under
That would be a terrible blunder.

Oh! That’s it! That’s just perfect for now!
Now if only time will allow,
I’ll look my best and feel even better
Here comes the chic trendsetter!

Posted in Me and moi

The Idea of Love.

One of my classmates got married recently. Twenty three is quite a common age for girls to get married, but in a course like MBBS where you’re pursuing an undergraduate degree till you’re 24, it was a little jarring.

Marriage sounds like something for a very different phase of life. A life where you’re earning, for one. A life where you’re settled. A life where you’re not just ‘adulting’, you’re an adult.

That is not to say that what my classmate did was wrong. She’s been with her boyfriend for a couple of years, he’s well settled, and both the families wanted them to marry quickly. I wish them the absolute best and I’m sure they’ll be very happy.

For myself, I don’t see any relationship in the near future. I have to find myself first before I find someone else. In my previous relationship, I was so in love with the idea of being in love that I forgot to check what I actually felt. I thought being the perfect girlfriend was sacrificing my happiness so I could see him happy. It felt good in the beginning, but love doesn’t work like that. Far too many of us stay together much longer than we should because it’s easier to say ‘I love you’ than ‘I don’t.’

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I saw this recently and it’s just so perfect.

I am kind of an agony aunt to my friends, and what I’ve noticed is that most problems arise because of a misconstrued idea of what love is. Once you’ve tasted what it feels to be in a new relationship, you want that tingly feeling of ‘oh, they’re so in love’ again and again. That’s why people think the best way to get over someone is to be with someone else. But love is relationships that last. Love is putting work into a relationship even when you’re tired and cranky and completely sure that you’re the one who’s right. And it’s so much easier to make relationships last when both participants are stable and fulfilled in the first place.

Is there a point to my rant? There can’t really be, because relationships are a deeply personal choice, and I’m not trying to teach anything. There is no formula for a perfect relationship. Sometimes you want something casual, and sometimes you want something more. But you have to know what you want.

All I’m saying is that I will always try to keep my eyes wide open when it comes to love and marriage, and I will try not to confuse being in love with the idea of love with the real thing, again.

Posted in Cartoons, Comic Strip Saturday, Humour, Life, Me and moi

Comic Strip Saturday: Growing Older

I recently helped out a few juniors in college with an event they were organising. One of the things required of me was to travel in a car full of 17 year olds for about 15 mins. By the time I got out, I was surprised to see that my hair hadn’t​ turned grey in the meantime.

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OwlTurd has been a joy for this 22 year OLD. Check it out at http://www.owlturd.com

Happy Saturday!

Posted in Me and moi, Movies

Wonder Woman.

I’d decided not to write a post on the movie. Everybody else in the world was doing it, and I thought my contribution would just be another drop in the ocean. What changed my mind was the fact that I was getting goosebumps whenever I talked about the movie, even three weeks after I watched it.

The movie, in itself, is great. DC have finally managed to get humour in a superhero movie right, and the visuals are fantastic. One scene, especially, where she steps out into No Man’s Land, is reminiscent of Jon Snow riding out in the Battle of the Bastards, which means it’s very, very cool. I was so glad they got this movie right, because if they hadn’t, Hollywood would have used it as an excuse to not give women superhero roles or women directors big budget movies for the next 20 years. Now, they really have no excuse.

I had never given any thought to the lack of proper women superheroes in movies. I knew underrepresentation was and is an issue, but I relegated it to being a #firstworldproblem. I underestimated the impact a female superhero would make on me.

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The male gaze in Wonder Woman was jarring by its absence. Simply the lack of shots panning from Diana’s legs to her breasts meant that I could look at her as a person, not as a body. I was more interested in her motives and her strength because the director looked at her outfit and saw armour, not a skin show. The woman in the film was unapologetically powerful, much more than the men surrounding her. She did not try to hide the fact that she was better. She did not try to make the men like her. She took charge, and used her entire potential, without fitting into a mould. And yet, she liked ice-cream and snow and dancing. She cared about the villagers she had saved and loved Steve Trevor, with all his faults. She was a woman. Every aspect of a woman.

I came out of the theatre crying. No wonder boys and men are so self-confident everyday. They watch superhero versions of themselves all the time. I came out of the movie theatre READY TO TAKE ON ANYTHING. I laughed at the paltry rain holding me back from travelling home. Diana wouldn’t stop at rain. Diana wouldn’t stop at traffic.

Three weeks later, I’ve found myself changed. Whenever I’m interrupted by a man trying to explain to me what I’m saying, I see Antiope shaking her head at me. Whenever I feel tired and unable to go on, I see Diana, smiling, confident, ready to take on the world. I have found Antiope in me. I’ve found Diana in me.

Posted in India, Kota., Life, Me and moi

Just be good. You’ll be good enough.

The 12th std CBSE board results came out yesterday. For people who don’t know, they’re for a national test that high school final year students in India have to take to pass out of high school. Initially, your performance in the CBSE boards used to decide into what colleges you got admission. In recent years, its importance has waned with the advent of national entrance tests for pretty much every professional course. However, it still is the first truly big test that a student has to take and a very big deal in a high schooler’s life.

It is also, unfortunately, a matter of social pride (or shame) for the parents. Taking the tests that span over the entire month of April is hard enough for the kid, without his or her parents’ ego being attached to whether their child does better than Mrs Sharma’s kid.

What ensues is more anxiety and stress than any 18 yr old should ever have to face.

A common cause for concern is the pressure from parents to do well in the national board examinations, especially for Class XII, before finishing school. As scores in these exams often determine college admissions and subsequent employment opportunities, students aged 16-18 are often subjected to undue pressure at home to succeed. When they don’t, suicide becomes a way out. In 2013 alone, 2,471 suicides were attributed to “failure in examination”.

I did well in my board exams, but I had to face the failure of not getting through the medical entrance test. It’s the same kind of pressure, even more, amplified in Kota. Fours years on, let me tell you: it does not matter. Not a single person in the last four years has asked me my CBSE marks, or even my rank in the medical entrance test. The thing about the Indian education system is that it’s a great equaliser in a beautiful, fucked up way. Simply because of our population structure and size, there is intense competition to get in. But once you’re in a professional college, a topper and a passer are equally unequipped to deal with actual life. What matters is your work ethic and your good humour.

So, if you did well in your boards this year: Congratulations. Enjoy the moment. Just remember that you WILL NOT get these kinds of marks in professional college. Ever.

If you thought you did well when the results first came out but now too many relatives have asked you “Aga marka kuthe gele? Ajun ka nahi milale? (Why didn’t you get more?)”: Hang in there. You’ll be fine. Also, sometimes, if your parents think you could’ve done better, it’s because of their belief in your potential, not their disappointment in your reality.

If you haven’t done as well as you’d hoped: Calm down. I know it sounds like a cliche, but it’s not the end of the world. I know you don’t feel like facing their disappointed faces, their tears. I’ve been there. But please understand that there’s more to life than marks. Please understand that your parents understand that too. A failure is an amazing learning opportunity. Use it as such. If you’re worried about disappointing your parents, remember that a rash decision is going to sadden them a hundred times more than bad marks. Everyone in the world continues to disappoint their parents much beyond high school. And your parents will still love you after every let-down.

If you’re a parent with a child in any of the above categories: Please make sure that your child feels loved at this point. I know that as Indian parent, you have trouble with differentiating between negative reinforcement and punishment; your child is feeling like shit anyway, they don’t need more reasons to be stressed. Help them look at themselves and the future in a better, more productive light. Your child is old enough to go out in the big outside world, but not old enough to deal with it. I know that the last few years have been teenage hell for you, but your child is more like you than you or the child knows. Please, be a friend. Be a parent.

Nobody loses all the time.