One of my classmates got married recently. Twenty three is quite a common age for girls to get married, but in a course like MBBS where you’re pursuing an undergraduate degree till you’re 24, it was a little jarring.
Marriage sounds like something for a very different phase of life. A life where you’re earning, for one. A life where you’re settled. A life where you’re not just ‘adulting’, you’re an adult.
That is not to say that what my classmate did was wrong. She’s been with her boyfriend for a couple of years, he’s well settled, and both the families wanted them to marry quickly. I wish them the absolute best and I’m sure they’ll be very happy.
For myself, I don’t see any relationship in the near future. I have to find myself first before I find someone else. In my previous relationship, I was so in love with the idea of being in love that I forgot to check what I actually felt. I thought being the perfect girlfriend was sacrificing my happiness so I could see him happy. It felt good in the beginning, but love doesn’t work like that. Far too many of us stay together much longer than we should because it’s easier to say ‘I love you’ than ‘I don’t.’
I am kind of an agony aunt to my friends, and what I’ve noticed is that most problems arise because of a misconstrued idea of what love is. Once you’ve tasted what it feels to be in a new relationship, you want that tingly feeling of ‘oh, they’re so in love’ again and again. That’s why people think the best way to get over someone is to be with someone else. But love is relationships that last. Love is putting work into a relationship even when you’re tired and cranky and completely sure that you’re the one who’s right. And it’s so much easier to make relationships last when both participants are stable and fulfilled in the first place.
Is there a point to my rant? There can’t really be, because relationships are a deeply personal choice, and I’m not trying to teach anything. There is no formula for a perfect relationship. Sometimes you want something casual, and sometimes you want something more. But you have to know what you want.
All I’m saying is that I will always try to keep my eyes wide open when it comes to love and marriage, and I will try not to confuse being in love with the idea of love with the real thing, again.
I ring the bell and stand anxiously, waiting. This is new. Anxious, at your doorstep. Clinking of bangles. Soft footsteps. Peephole gets darkened for a moment. A latch is unlocked. Door creaks open. Maybe it’s just my imagination, but it all seems very sad. The first thing my eyes see is aunty’s broad smile. Somehow […]