Posted in Stories

Awakening.

I tell you you’re beautiful,
And you say “Aw, thank you!”
I’m wondering if you know
Just how pretty I think you are.

Your Snapchat says ‘Girlfriends!’
On that blurry selfie we took.
I’m wondering if you know
How lovely that sounds to me.

You hug me and kiss my cheek.
“You’re definitely my girl crush!'”
I’m wondering if you know
I’ve been crushing on you for years.

“No boys over for sleepovers!”
My mother wags her finger.
I’m wondering if you know
I’d never invite them anyway.

I’m watching you twirl your hair.
Talking about the boy you like.
I’m wondering if you know
My heart’s breaking in silence.

My heart drew a map to love.
But I couldn’t decipher it.
I’m wondering if you know
That you were the treasure.

I’ll find someone one day.
Who looks at me like I looked at you.
But I’m wondering if you knew.
That you were my very first love.

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Posted in Me and moi

The Idea of Love.

One of my classmates got married recently. Twenty three is quite a common age for girls to get married, but in a course like MBBS where you’re pursuing an undergraduate degree till you’re 24, it was a little jarring.

Marriage sounds like something for a very different phase of life. A life where you’re earning, for one. A life where you’re settled. A life where you’re not just ‘adulting’, you’re an adult.

That is not to say that what my classmate did was wrong. She’s been with her boyfriend for a couple of years, he’s well settled, and both the families wanted them to marry quickly. I wish them the absolute best and I’m sure they’ll be very happy.

For myself, I don’t see any relationship in the near future. I have to find myself first before I find someone else. In my previous relationship, I was so in love with the idea of being in love that I forgot to check what I actually felt. I thought being the perfect girlfriend was sacrificing my happiness so I could see him happy. It felt good in the beginning, but love doesn’t work like that. Far too many of us stay together much longer than we should because it’s easier to say ‘I love you’ than ‘I don’t.’

images
I saw this recently and it’s just so perfect.

I am kind of an agony aunt to my friends, and what I’ve noticed is that most problems arise because of a misconstrued idea of what love is. Once you’ve tasted what it feels to be in a new relationship, you want that tingly feeling of ‘oh, they’re so in love’ again and again. That’s why people think the best way to get over someone is to be with someone else. But love is relationships that last. Love is putting work into a relationship even when you’re tired and cranky and completely sure that you’re the one who’s right. And it’s so much easier to make relationships last when both participants are stable and fulfilled in the first place.

Is there a point to my rant? There can’t really be, because relationships are a deeply personal choice, and I’m not trying to teach anything. There is no formula for a perfect relationship. Sometimes you want something casual, and sometimes you want something more. But you have to know what you want.

All I’m saying is that I will always try to keep my eyes wide open when it comes to love and marriage, and I will try not to confuse being in love with the idea of love with the real thing, again.

Posted in Stories

Stay.

Stay. You didn’t last time.
Trust in me and us.
For a moment.

Stay. Look into my eyes.
Let me coax you to come
Closer. Closer.

Stay. Let time pause and
Hold it’s breath, waiting to see
What’ll happen.

Stay. Let your breath hitch
Your pupils dilate, your cheeks flush
With a small sigh.

Stay. This moment will
Slip into the next and leave.
If you let it go.

Stay. Don’t lower your eyes.
Don’t turn your head with just
A memory of warmth.

Stay. There’ll never be again
A moment where we’re immortal
And incomplete.

Stay. Don’t break your heart
We were born to be together.
And reborn again.

Stay. Let your soul decide
Whether it has found its partner.
Not your brain.

Stay. Because if you go
We’ll suffer again and again
Until I make you.

Stay.

Posted in Life

Sometimes Broken is Beautiful.

I ring the bell and stand anxiously, waiting. This is new. Anxious, at your doorstep. Clinking of bangles. Soft footsteps. Peephole gets darkened for a moment. A latch is unlocked. Door creaks open. Maybe it’s just my imagination, but it all seems very sad. The first thing my eyes see is aunty’s broad smile. Somehow […]

via HOW DARE YOU? — Lumos