Posted in Life, Me and moi

It’s a Saturday.

MBBS, MSPH

I’m at home. My home, not my parents’ home.

I’m 26. I have handled two jobs, a degree, and a pandemic.

I used to be a doctor. Now I’m not.

I made those choices for me. I did, not my parents.

It’s warm. The cat is purring next to me. The dog wants me to play fetch.

It’s Saturday. I shut my laptop. As of today, I have finished my master’s.

Posted in India, Life

Another post? So soon?

It’s so random but it’s what I started my morning with so I suppose I need to talk about it and purge it from my system so I can be a functional human being all day.

I was scrolling through Instagram (as you do) and I came across a CNN post about how a man sold his car to create a 24/7 free oxygen delivery system in UP. Which is amazing, kind, generous, noble but HE SHOULDN’T HAVE HAD TO DO THAT. THAT’S WHY WE HAVE GOVERNMENTS. It’s fucking frustrating that a sense of patriotism is making people forget to keep their government accountable (unrelated to CNN post, just triggered a deep-held spiral in me). ANYWAY, I breathed through it and scrolled down and the next post was about how Jeff Bezos’s superyacht is so big that it needs its own yacht. Because apparently he needs a separate helipad on the small yacht. And.. the world is so fucked. SO fucked. As much as I rant about people confusing personal responsibility with central accountability, my own frustration makes me realize that you only have control over your own actions. Even if I wanted to keep my government accountable, I can’t do it. I can’t control the enormous wealth gap or alleviate the suffering of millions of my fellow citizens or citizens of the world. And I was discussing with my brother yesterday that the world is not prepared for when COVID properly hits Africa. I just feel like shaking my fist at the sky.

I get that small actions build up to a big one, god knows I’ve put together enough jigsaw puzzles to get it. But sometimes it feels like we’re all just ants running around with no rhyme or reason, and the people in power don’t really care. They only care about what keeps them in power. I fully believe that most of humanity is kind and wants to do good, but somehow the world is such that we get caught up just surviving and trying to make better lives for ourselves and our families, and the world doesn’t get better. We get older and more cynical because we’ve seen what the world is, and all the fantasy books you read will not help you actually change anything. You’ll do your best and you’ll die. And Jeff Bezos will probably buy a mini yacht for the mid-sized yacht in his superyacht. Now they’re saying Bill Gates had ties to Epstein and it’s literally shaken me. His and his wife’s foundation has managed to do ACTUAL good. They’ve funded ACTUALLY significant research. They were the one thing that was keeping me believing in the economic system. But even that might not be true. Our generation is the most educated and most poor generation. We KNOW what needs to be done to help with COVID, to help with other things and yet we are the most powerless to do so. We don’t even have the energy and youth of Gen Z. It’s so demoralizing.

It makes me not want to get out of bed.

But at least we have dogs. And cats. And I just got a notification that my Amazon package is delivered at the door, so… fin.

Posted in Me and moi

Hello!

Hopped on here because I saw that like, 6 people randomly started following me recently?

Welcome! I’m so confused why you’re here. I hope it’s because you liked one of my posts and were hoping for more of the same.

Thank you for following the void screams of a 26 year old with no financial stability and serious mental health issues. You’re in for a ride! I hope I make it entertaining.